


forgiveness

by Trashy_Cannot



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, I guess???, ish. kinda., look idk what to tag this as, not really tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25343809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashy_Cannot/pseuds/Trashy_Cannot
Summary: The evening often brings realizations to the forefront of Yasha's minds. These are just two out of many.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Comments: 7
Kudos: 87





	forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> Well it's been a Hot Second since I've written anything for these two, and seeing as we got quite a feast last night, I figured,,,"why not? i should take a crack at them again" 
> 
> Also, if I've messed any grammar up or dialogue's a little unclear, please hmu, I just wanted this out as fast as possible as a treat to my fellow Beauyasha stans lmao

Taking the first watch of the night was far from unusual for the duo, but it had been a while since they were able to only have each other's company. In solitude, and as a true moment of respite at least, they were rarely together. Traveling from one point to another in a massive continent did that to them, and they were silently thanking the fates that they had this moment now.

Beau kicked off her thigh-high boots, shrugging her coat to the ground and sitting down next to her compatriot. 

"I am really starting to hate nature. I keep getting mud on my clothes." the monk mumbled.

Yasha smiled in silence, polishing her blade. She missed the monk’s snarky half-complaints.

Beau glanced down at her crop top. It was just as dirty as her boots. 

Without hesitation, she removed the clothing item, now only in her chest wraps and her pants. She was tired, but she had to clean her clothes off for now.

"Beauregard…" Yasha began.

"Yash?" Beau responded.

"...I'm sorry."

Beau looked up from her clothes, finding Yasha's gazed fixated on her. She felt flustered for a moment, only returning to a state of calm when she realized that Yasha's eyes were on her chest's scar, obscured by her wrapping.

"Oh, you don't have to apologize-"

"Can I?" Yasha asked, moving closer to Beau and reaching out, hovering hand a respectable distance away.

"S-Sure." Beau stuttered out.

Yasha placed her index finger against the top of the scar, a memory of a time that didn't feel long enough ago. It was a sign that her nightmare was a reality, even if she wanted to pretend it wasn’t.

Beau's breath shallowed.

Yasha pulled down the wrapping by an inch, following the scar's path. It seemed like the scar here was healed less than any other scar Beau possessed. Her sins stood out against Beau's skin. A mark she couldn’t erase.

"I did not-I do not think I meant what I did but-"

"We know it was Obann fucking with you. The person who did this...wasn't  _ you _ ."

"I still held the blade." Yasha reiterated.

Beau chuckled. “And Caleb threw a Fireball at us down in that weird fucking demon portal thing. We know it wasn’t him, and we’ve forgiven him. Same thing with you.”

“I was gone for so long…” Yasha trailed. “You couldn’t have known that Obann was the one who changed me.”

“No, we couldn’t have. I mean, Fjord was messed up after you nearly killed him, _but_ if he could realize that it wasn’t you, why wouldn’t I?”

“Still.” Yasha whispered, her eyes still fixed on Beau’s scar.

Yasha wasn’t there for Molly’s death, but from what she understood, that spot - the middle of one’s chest, right above the heart - was where his death was sealed. The image of Beau nearly arriving at the same fate by her own hands, to kill another the way her friend was murdered-

Yasha looked away.

A calloused hand rested on her shoulder.

“In the end, only you can forgive yourself.” Beau paused. “Just...remember that the Nein have already forgotten about it. You’re-You’re family.”

Beau’s hand tensed at the word family, relaxing after the word was uttered.

Yasha looked into Beau’s eyes. Her usually clear-as-sky blues were awash with tears. They weren’t sad, or even angry. It was hard to read.

Beau pulled Yasha into a hug, with the monk resting her face in the crook of Yasha’s neck.

Blinking her eyes open, Yasha found herself staring at the ceiling in her room. Glancing to her side, her still-empty room had one thing making it her home within a home - flower fields. She had memories trapped in those petals, memories she didn’t want to forget. Yasha still wanted to fulfill that promise to her wife. 

Glancing to her door that connected to the balcony, she saw Beau sitting on its railings, a bottle of rum in her hand, and her eyes trained on the empty sky.

Yasha had found some new happiness. She wanted to reach out and hold onto it because it had been so long since she last felt it. Yasha didn’t feel like she deserved it, not yet at least.

Beau must’ve noticed her rustling around because by the time Yasha had finished her longing gazes between the monk and the painted fields, the monk in question was waving her over.

So in silence, Yasha exited her room and entered the balcony, striding her way to Beau.

The silence stayed, only temporarily dispersed by the dull swishes of Beau’s rum.

“Are you sleeping just as much as me?” Beau murmured.

“Yes, I think so. I um, I just had a dream that I woke up from.”

“Nightmare?”

“N-No. A memory of sorts.”

Beau’s shoulders slumped a bit. “Oh.”

Yasha leaned against the balcony, glancing down at the rum in her friend’s hand. It looked mostly full, Beau hadn’t even really broken its surface.

“If it makes you feel any better, it was our conversation by the bonfire, during our watch before Travelercon started.” Yasha breathed in. “Thank you, by the way.”

Beau smiled, though it was drained of too much energy.  “Really?”

“Yes. You helped me understand why you forgave me, even after…” Yasha trailed, watching Beau instinctually reach up to touch the spot that her scar would be.

“I’m-I’m glad. I usually hold grudges so you were definitely a new experience-y’know what? I think I’ll go back to sleep, I think this rum’s messing with me.”

Yasha looked at the rum. It was still almost entirely full.

“Beauregard.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re um, a wonderful person. I’m glad I met you. I know that sometimes you might feel like you’re not, but...I see what you do for people. You’re kind, kind enough to forgive me.” Yasha stated, placing her hand on Beau’s.

“Thank you.” Beau whispered.

Once more in silence, Yasha moved to sit next to Beau on the balcony’s railing, an action enough to stop Beau from leaving. Before long, Yasha felt her friend’s head resting on her shoulder. Yasha froze for a moment, realizing that Beau wasn’t asleep - she consciously closed the space between them.

The duo stared into the dark skyline of Xhorhas, appreciating the small dots of light coming from homes and from the stars that were able to peek through the bubble sealing them in this abstract paradise.

“Can you carry me to bed?” Beau asked.

A smile danced across Yasha’s lips. “Sure.”

Yasha picked Beau up with ease, leaving the bottle of rum on the balcony, and moving to Beau’s bedroom. A muffled whine came from Beau. Yasha redirected, going back into her room.

Placing Beau down on her previous sleeping arrangements, Yasha lay down beside her on the wooden floor, not bothering to find a spare sleeping roll. Beau seemed at peace, and the sight of her made Yasha feel the same.

Sighing, Yasha turned away from Beau and to her painted wall. Tears threatened to fall. She didn’t deserve this peace, this happiness. Zuala still needed her flowers. Yasha shut her eyes, and in time, found sleep. 

In the morning, Yasha opened her eyes and found herself face-to-face with a still-slumbering Beau. Yasha panicked, seeing that her own arm was wrapped around Beau’s torso. She didn’t know how this happened, she was facing away when-

“Morning.” Beau groaned out, her half-conscious state deepening her voice.

“M-Morning.” Yasha responded, pulling her hand away.

Beau groaned in protest and moved in closer to Yasha, even putting herself on the wooden floor instead of her sleeping roll.

Yasha smiled to herself. Maybe with time, she’d deserve this.

**Author's Note:**

> I really should write with Yasha's perspective in mind more. It's a struggle for me, but I want to do it more because Yasha deserves all the love in the world.
> 
> Detail Notes:  
> -While I didn't specify dates too hard, I assumed their bonfire talk (as I think I mentioned) took place sometime during Travelercon, while their balcony convo takes place after the whenever the Nein get back to Xhorhas again.  
> -While I think we haven't broken down Yasha's current headspace, I still believe that she still has guilt over her time with Obann and especially her transgressions against the group. Her regaining her wings was a step in the right direction, but I think she still needs time to forgive herself, and Beau's reaffirmations were definitely a huge help for her.  
> -Oh yeah, I hc that Yasha learned through some method what Molly's last injury was like, thus making her feel EXTRA guilty about how she hurt Beau in that church.  
> -Beau's reference to Caleb's mind control is when he got messed up by that succubus in episode 55, Duplicity.  
> -Beau sees the Nein as family because FOUND FAMILY BABEY.  
> -I imagine that Beau and Yasha, at least with each other, aren't the best at words, so touch (even if very hesitant), is their way of "flirting" so to speak. Beau's hug, Beau leaning against Yasha, Yasha's unconscious hug...you name it.  
> -Yasha! Giving! Beau! Validation! Also a part of the reason I did this was because 1) I believe Marisha's mentioned that Beau does have a good heart, but it still is disheartening when you do good unrecognized (which happens A Lot,,,someone compliment Beau please). And 2) Yasha canonically threatened Thoreau and told him that Beau was a good person, and while I think that Yasha would be more awkward than how I portrayed her, I don't think she would hesitate to compliment Beau.  
> -Sort of tied with Yasha's struggle with forgiveness is her state of staying emotionally with Zuala or slowly moving on with her life and allowing herself to fall in love with Beau. While I believe this fic sort of has her take that first step of falling in love, she still struggles with her guilt over Zuala - it doesn't help that there's a field full of flowers you promise to bring her while you're falling asleep next to the woman you're moving on with.
> 
> As usual, I would appreciate comments, kudos, and shares, but of course I can never force you, so until next time,,,let's get these crumbs lesbians!


End file.
